Is there anything I can do for myself or not??

[lioness901]

I have mild autisim and I am twenty one years old. For the most part my autisim doesn't affect me but there is the rare occasion where it shows its ugly face. Like one time I went to a friends b-day party. And later on we all sat around a camp fire and everyone took turns saying something profound. When it was my turn I sat there and said "I wonder what the circkets are saying." Even now I wince at this and that was a year ago... I have diffaculty talking on the phone even if its to family members. It's like I can hear them but I can't understand them and its so frustrating. I want to be able to talk on the phone like everyone else but I don't know how to learn how to do that. Does anyone have any advice for me at all?? And can anyone help me to learn a way to stop saying stupid things?? When I thought about that comment it didn't sound that bad it was only after I said that I realized how it sounded. Is there anything out there to help me out or do I have to deal with these things with the rest of my life??

[Jennifer Cron]

Its difficult for me to talk on the phone to begin with. Well I don't know if there is any way of getting around a way to stop saying stupid things. I am 31 and still working on that. It just seems to be a part of autism that won't go way. Its part of what makes me me. I think with practice it can be done. Even if you have to ask your family member to repeat what they said that can help. I am sure they will understand, mind do. My family refers to those quirky moments where i realize I didn't say the right thing..Jennyisms. They don't think of them as stupid things. As I have learned to converse better over the last 10 years (my diagnosis came at 21) or so my jennyisms have gotten a little fewer. I don't count on them completely going away anytime soon.

[M. E. Gaige]

i dont know if this applies to your worry about being 'normal' or 'typical'... but what i have finally figured out after 38 yrs old life, is that no one is normal. seriously. what you said was just as profound as anything they said...only you were in the now moment and they were in the present or past moments.... just different.. not stupid ....

[lioness901]

I don't understand what you mean when you said I was in the now moment and they were in the past and present moment. Isn't a now moment the same thing as a present moment?? Can you please explain what you mean??

[Gale]

You are too hard on yourself. What you said about he crickets was very creative and profound on many levels. It could even have a timeless sort of humor about it where everytime others hear crickets they may now think about what they might be saying. Also, people are very forgiving. You aren't in middle school anymore where people are bullies outright, and most peers have an understanding about nuances in character, and how different people perceive the world. If you were at all threatening or not expected, I suspect you would not have been invited to that party. Give others credit for sensitivities towards others thatn you your self may need work on expressively. You would also may be very surprised how many bullies too actually mature and learn from their mistakes about making fun of others. I think you would get the most help by monitoring your own sensitivity and using positive personal talk. Choose some statements that are very self-affirming and use them in a daily journal and make a point of making these positive self-affiming statements to yourself (before bedtime because the brain retains much of what we sleep on) and then again berfoore these lomds pf evemmts/fore

[Dana Dea]

What you you said about the crickets was ingenious. My son also has said that and it makes me wonder too. So don't feel bad about it. My son has asperger's and has a lot of difficulty talking to people and family members. He would never look at them or open his mouth to speak clearly. Talking on the phone to people would be difficult cause he didn't know what to say or how to talk to them. So we took him to a certified counselor. She made my son come out of his box. She showed him different social situations. But the first think she taught him was thee was nothing wrong with him, but thought things different than others. She also met with him a lot outside the office to get him closer to people. So what I am saying maybe finding someone to help you with some social situations could help. My son is not 100% but he has made a tremendous improvement on his social skills and cues by talking with the counselor. There are alot of counselors/therapists that help with social intergrations for all forms of autistic and non autistic people of all ages. Just remember doing and thinking things different makes you unique. If everyone did same thing or thought the same the world would be quite boring. Just remember your one of a kind and that is what makes you wonder and loved by your friends and family. Have a little faith in yourself you sound like a very smart person. Also don't feel bad about talking on the phone with family members. I am 35 years old, not autistic, and have trouble talking on the phone to people sometimes. Some people just aren't comfortable talking on the phone.

[Michelle Weldy]

There are always things that you can do to work on the things about yourself that you don't like. I've had similar struggles, and you learn, over time, how to prepare for the types of things that trip you up. It sounds like there's some kind of audio processing issue that is hindering you on the phone, so a place to start could be Googling "Audio Processing Disorder Therapies" and see where that leads you. Some treatments have to be done by professionals, others can be done at home, so talk with others about any therapies you find before you try them.

I can completely sympathize with saying things that sounded fine in your head, but then you get that weird look from the people around you. That reaction is usually my best clue that something was a little off in what I said, so then I usually just play it off as my "Quirky Sense of Humor". Even though there was no humorous intent, smile at yourself and others usually will, too.

There's not a magic cure for our quirks, but as time passes, your perspective changes. I've found that many adults really value my quirks, that my oddball perspective is actually a lot more interesting than more typical responses. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with the comment you made around the campfire, and if the others were truly interested in being profound, it would have sparked a really interesting philosophical discussion. Life is not a contest to "fit in" like a jigsaw piece, its a journey where you get to keep changing as you grow. Eventually, others will be drawn to you because you're different. Just some thoughts,...