Oh the horror of meltdowns!!!
My youngest son (7 years old) has Aspergers and ADHD. He is quite a challenge. We have been doing really well for a long time. Now all of a sudden he is having tons of meltdowns. His last melt down, just a little while ago, lasted for about 10-15 mins. I don't know what to do with him except ignore him and keep telling myself, this can't last all day! Then comes the moment when I think, "Oh, I think he is finally calming down! Thank you, Lord!!!"
What triggered this latest meltdown was that he wanted to play his video game on the TV. His brother also wanted to play it. I decided, in order to make it fair, we would draw straws. His bro won and Josh, who was already starting to melt down just went completely balistic. He grabbed the game case and was keeping it from his brother. I told him that if he didn't calm down and give the game to his brother, he would be grounded from all games for the day. He refused so I grounded him, thus causing him to continue to melt down.
You know, you read all the books and listen to the "experts" and still when it comes down to it, it can be such a challenge to know how to handle these little ones! It is so easy to feel like you are doing all the wrong things. I don't want to give him preferential treatment just because of his issues and yet there are times when he simply can't be dealt with in the same way you would nomally deal with other children.
What I really need is to find ways to keep him from going into full blown meltdown. But how do I do that without letting him have his way every time? The kid needs to learn that in life things don't always go your way. I thought he was finally starting to learn this and now it is like we are back to square one!
On a positive note, after he finished this latest meltdown, he was sitting on his bed blankie and thumb in mouth. I asked him if I could have a hug. He didn't respond so I sat down next to him and put my arm around him. He didn't pull away, this is good! I gently told him that he can't always have his way and that if he had just listened then he would have gotten his turn with the video game too. Now he is sitting here watching his brother play the very game he melted down about not getting to play!
What triggered this latest meltdown was that he wanted to play his video game on the TV. His brother also wanted to play it. I decided, in order to make it fair, we would draw straws. His bro won and Josh, who was already starting to melt down just went completely balistic. He grabbed the game case and was keeping it from his brother. I told him that if he didn't calm down and give the game to his brother, he would be grounded from all games for the day. He refused so I grounded him, thus causing him to continue to melt down.
You know, you read all the books and listen to the "experts" and still when it comes down to it, it can be such a challenge to know how to handle these little ones! It is so easy to feel like you are doing all the wrong things. I don't want to give him preferential treatment just because of his issues and yet there are times when he simply can't be dealt with in the same way you would nomally deal with other children.
What I really need is to find ways to keep him from going into full blown meltdown. But how do I do that without letting him have his way every time? The kid needs to learn that in life things don't always go your way. I thought he was finally starting to learn this and now it is like we are back to square one!
On a positive note, after he finished this latest meltdown, he was sitting on his bed blankie and thumb in mouth. I asked him if I could have a hug. He didn't respond so I sat down next to him and put my arm around him. He didn't pull away, this is good! I gently told him that he can't always have his way and that if he had just listened then he would have gotten his turn with the video game too. Now he is sitting here watching his brother play the very game he melted down about not getting to play!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Moira on -
I really can relate to your situation and know it can be so stressful.
It sounds like you've already looked into what lots of "experts" say... so I'll have to apologize for suggesting yet another one... but this one's way at looking at the children and helping me and my husband deal effectively with ours has been a breakthrough. This method really is different so I encourage anyone in this situation to look into it.
Here's a link to a website that describes the method: http://www.thinkkids.org/parents/
Here's a link to the books and dvd (helpful for my busy extremely husband who did not have time to read the books - it was so important to have us both understand and believe in the concept - well worth the extra money of the dvd).
DVD: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-the-Explosive-Child/dp/B0006GSB2C/r...
Book: http://www.amazon.com/Treating-Explosive-Kids-Collaborative-Problem...
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Permalink Reply by Crystal on -
I have the same problem with my 8 year old son. He has sensory disentigration disorder and expressive/receptive language disorder. My daughter and I were just talking last night (she's 17) and she commented...again...on how Noah act and how if she ever acted like that when she was little she would never get the "special" treatment I give Noah. I try to explain to her his issues and she understands to an extent but I can tell that it is really an issue for her to watch me give in so much to him when I didn't do the same with her. They are two TOTALLY different kids but it is still hard. I struggle every day with meltdowns and trying to figure out the right way to deal with them as I have found that the traditional methods do not work...as of right now...not much works:(
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Permalink Reply by Patty K. on -
I don't think you are back to square one. Its just a new learning curve. I have a son who is four. We have new challenges all the time. Quite frankly I never know the "best thing to do". I have read lots of books and am an educator and sometimes I still have no clue what I am doing. I also have a "normal" two year old son. I don't deal with them the same because they are not the same.
I have tried lots of things but I have found talking to him in a concrete and simple terms works the best. For example, when he is angry and having a meltdown I tell him he needs to be in his room until he is calm and quite (no matter how long it takes) and can keep his hands to himself.
To prevent meltdowns in the future I look at the day and see if it has been unusually different. Any changes to his routeen make stress for him they are not seen as good to him. The littlest things can be the last straw that cause him to break down. Most of his meltdowns are after a unstructured weekend, when he is sick or tired or if he has had new changes to his routeen.
I cannot prevent them but I can understand them so I can help him deal better with the next one. I not sure this is what you needed to hear but I know from what you are writing you are best you can and that is all we can do as parents.
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Permalink Reply by AutismClassroom.com on -
If there is a way to make turn-taking visual for him, it might help. For example, in my former classroom, in the past, I have created a turn-taking board with detachable pictures to show whose turn it is. Also, I have used a "wait card" or a time to show that the chilld when to expect their turn and when their turn would be up. We have also used a "count down board" with the numbers 4-3-2-1 so the child could see his turn winding down. This concept could also be shown using a green, yellow and red sign. None of this will work the first time. We had to teach it to our students.
I know what you mean about the "experts" advice. At work I am the "expert" so to speak, but at home I have a 3 year old and I tend to loose all of my schooling and my own advice when I am working with him!!!
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Permalink Reply by Knett Butler on -
Wow what a good idea! Do you use a timer with it also so they know when to move the card or do you move the card for them?
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